Grateful

It has been stressful couple of weeks as my family has been dealing with aging parent issues. It is  hard to be prepared for the onslaught of emotions that goes along with this. I believe my 86 year old mother said it best yesterday when she declared (and cover your ears if you are sensitive to rough language ) “Life is so beautiful in the beginning. Babies are perfect and wonderful. And then old age comes along and it's so f......ed up.” My mom, never one to mince words.

And along with the onslaught of emotions is the the onslaught of systems to deal with in order to make sure everyone is safe and well (hospitals, nursing homes, medicare, etc.).  Fortunately with these systems has come some incredibly helpful people to assist in navigating them. And being “G” week in the ABC's of Kindness, I was reminded that expressing to people that you are grateful for the great work they do just can't be done enough. I made sure to write thank you notes to the social workers and case managers who have helped on this difficult journey, letting them know how very much they are appreciated.

And I was also grateful for this blog for giving me the extra push to make sure that I didn't just think about writing the notes, I actually followed through and did it.

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My sister came up with a clever idea to express her gratitude to the employees of the pharmacy who have been helping her manage my folks' medicines.  When she tried to find a way to let the "powers that be" know what a great job the employees were doing, the most accessible means of communication seemed to be through the complaint department.  Not to be deterred, she filed what was probably the first ever compliment through that department, which was promptly forward to the supervisors and employees in the pharmacy, who were, of course, delighted.

 

Friendly Focus Chases Away The Funk

Yesterday as I searched for an interesting act of kindness that started with “F”. I was in a bit of a funk (having nothing to do with the search) and I was having some trouble coming up with an idea, primarily due to the aforementioned funk. Flowers would be the ideal choice, except I just did that two weeks ago. While grocery shopping, I scoured the shelves for inspiration. Fudge? Fruit? Fava beans? Ok, fava beans definitely makes me think of Hannibal Lecter, not a kind thought at all.

As I was wandering through the aisles, a woman passing the other way gave me a friendly hello, making me realize just how unfriendly I was acting while searching for a kind act. Hmm, friendly starts with F.....

For the rest of my shopping trip, I made a point to make eye contact and give a hello to every person I passed. I chatted with the cashier and the bagger and gave a big thank you to the gentleman who took my cart when I finished loading the bags in my car. As the day went on and the blues started creeping back, I made the extra effort to offer friendly words to the next person I saw.

And I tried to remind myself that friendly trumps funk every time.

The FRIENDLY Effect

For this week's post from me, I'd like to share how I chose to concentrate on friendliness, and it's rippling impact, particularly over the two days I attended a conference in Boston.  Yes, I attended with a friend but also with the Big Furry Fluffy Dog (see photo insert in the last blog entry for a visual) who does go everywhere with me, given he is a Service Dog.

My attention was heightened because the friend with whom I traveled for the intensive two day conference on Psychotherapy and Meditation had never been with said dog in a public setting for two whole days.  Being in Boston, big city that it is, enhanced the experience for the two of us.  Not our norm.

On day one I told her to check out the many faces as we walked from our parking spot to the hotel where the conference was held (probably 3 or 4 blocks).  Into the hotel, an historic and rather fancy hotel, we went.  Heads turned.  Smiles, smiles and more smiles.  Once in the conference, we sat in the back of a large ballroom which likely held over 200 participants.  The Service Dog had plenty of room to fan out the legs and sprawl while we listened.  In no time people began to quietly approach (food and coffee were not far behind us) because even the sleeping fluffy dog drew attention.  "May I pet your dog?  What kind is he?  What's his name?" they said in hushed whispers because the presenters were doing their thing.  Smiles, smiles and more smiles from nearby and further away.  A participant who explained she was from Maine, missed her own three dogs, and really needed to pet mine, joined the fluffy dog on the floor for probably 1/2 hour.  She returned for pats here and there on the second day as well (we sat in a different location and she found us).

Both days my friend and I had the pleasure of eating our lunch and walking through the Boston Public Garden (where the Swan boats and the mallards, made famous in the children's book, Make Way for Ducklings, float about).  Picture this park (might be worth googling in order to see images) in its height of color.  The crab apples (pink and white), the dogwood, the red bud, the tulips of assorted colors, and the vast array of trees springing into to bloom in this historical botanical, blissful place.  There were babies ranging from newborn to toddlers.  There was a group of third or forth graders spread out in one section of grass reading.  There were adults of many ethnic groups ranging from business types, to new mothers, to older adults walking or sitting, taking in the fresh Spring air.  Fluffy Dog, Rowdy, received many greeters of the human and canine type.  The latter were his favorite, of course.  Smiles abounded.

By the close of the intensive two day training, I can certainly say my energy was fueled by reflecting upon the ways focus came Rowdy's way during our adventures in Boston.  While the area in which we moved was relatively small, given the size of metropolitan Boston, the experience of seeing how Rowdy can bring a smile to the faces of complete strangers of all sorts, was powerful and it seemed good.  I believe I have now coined a phrase for this effect Rowdy has on others -- it is The Friendly Effect.  I shall try to continue to allow for this effect when I make my way about town with my furry friend.

May your week be filled with smiles!

Engage and Express

I began this week, this month (on Sunday, May 1) with a commitment to paying close attention to how I express myself in each interaction I had with others.  Admittedly I have been under a fair amount of stress of the work related variety.  I am enveloped.  I am aware I have had the propensity to react with a certain disregard in even the most common interactions.  My kindness goal was to mindfully engage with others as a way of committing to kindness.  I wanted to notice and to choose my responses with others.

There are those with whom I interact daily who are at the greatest risk for a less than kind response from me, mostly because I'm on to the next task while still working on the one before me.  And then, there are those I don't know with whom I interact: the acquaintances on the stairs at work, the sales people at the grocery store, the  drug store, those I pass on my dog walks.  I worked to engage mindfully, and kindly.

Here are a couple of examples from the week's commitment in which I experienced simple enjoyment.

On Sunday I chose to buy socks for a friend (not a stranger) with whom I am committing to exercise weekly (acts of kindness towards ourselves, our bodies).  I entered the sporting goods store with the big fluffy dog to whom I've referred in previous blogs.  He is a Service Dog for Therapy thus he has privileges to go shopping with me as part of his ongoing training.  He is a head turner and draws strangers.  He, and therefore I, had 4 or 5 extended exchanges with others ranging from around 10 to probably 60 years of age, or so.  Among these folks, there were lots of oooos and ahhhhhs exclaimed about how soft, cute and friendly this boy dog is.  Here... he might even bring a smile to your face.

On Tuesday, as I entered the local mall very early in the morning, sans dog and, before the majority of stores opened, for a course at the Apple Store, I made it a point to engage with each person I encountered.  There was a maintenance gentleman.  We exchanged "Good mornings."  There were three or four people walking about.  I smiled and looked each in the eye, if they looked up, and I said, "Hello."  As I left there I made sure to thank the Apple experts for their much needed assistance.  After last week's class I gave them a container of chocolate covered caramels with sea salt to say thanks.  As I drove out of the parking structure that is like a maze, I reviewed my interactions within that 1.5 hours and noticed a sense of peace within me.  It is good to go that extra step, to take the extra time to extend pleasantries with others.  It is simple yet not easy to do in a conscious manner, and there is at least a chance that kindness was experienced as a byproduct.

Wishing all readers a great rest of the week, possibly filled with kind expressions to and from others in your environs.

E is for...

.....Every time. That was my goal yesterday while driving. To let other drivers merge in front of me or to stop so those coming the opposite direction could turn left EVERY time they needed to. Full disclosure, I chose to try it yesterday because I knew that I had to work late and wouldn't be coming home until 9PM when there were  fewer cars on the road than at 5PM. Cheating? Maybe. But I thought this would increase my chances of success. Alas, it did not.

My downfall was not lack of kindness, rather lack of focus. At least three times I didn't notice the car waiting to turn or to merge until it was too late. “Oh *!#!*” I would think as I drove past.  And I suspect there were a few I passed that I never even saw. Perhaps the next blog will be The ABC's of Memory Improvement. But for now I will take credit for the effort, if not for the results.

D is for GFTASD

Did you ever watch a TV show or movie when a character from another show makes an appearance? Well, yesterday was  GFTASD, a holiday started on "The Kindness of Strangers” blog  popping up right here in the ABC's of Kindness. For those of you who don't know, Give Flowers To a Stranger Day happens on the 27^th of every month and yesterday was the one year anniversary of the first ever celebration. For more in depth history of this very special holiday, take a look at "It's That Time Again...Flower's for a Stranger."

The choice was obviously daffodils or daisies, as delphiniums were quickly ruled out. Which meant either picking the daffodils from my yard since they are right in season, or buying daisies from the store. I like the idea of giving fresh picked flowers.  However,  I'm just not that adept at putting together a bouquet that looks as nice as an arrangement from a store. Floral arranging is not really in my skill set. But I thought that if I were ever going to learn, daffodils were the right starter flowers, because is close to impossible for a bunch to look bad. So daffodils it was.

With a big yellow bunch in hand, I marched into the first convenience  store I passed on my way to work and handed them to the cashier with the announcement that "it's Give Flowers to a Stranger Day!"  She said a very surprised thank you and I turned and walked out before she could ask any questions.

I haven't done the math, but I sure hope that future GFTAS days don't fall on Q or X weeks.

Doo Doo You Remember?

...when you were a kid and you stepped in IT?  Doo Doo, that is?  Please, read on with the understanding that this week's act of kindness follows last week's Contemplative Collection directly and with the understanding that this week's deed is not, as one blog follower commented last week, "for the faint of heart."

I set out on my morning dog walk with a dedication to scoop up other dog's dookie.  Bleck!  Why?  Because I do remember having the most unfortunate experience of stepping in dog poo both as youngster and as an adult.  Disgusting!  I recall having to sit down with a stick and digging it out of the nooks and crannies of my sneakers and then rinsing off the bottoms of the shoes with the hose and then having to leave them outside to dry and to make sure all the stink was gone.  Whew, what a process!  I also did this because another one of our favorite dog walks is up a bike path in the woods; a destination for many of all ages who want to get exercise, fresh air, and explore the wilds of this suburban community.  Who wants to deal with stepping in it (by now you know that to which I refer)?

So, on Tuesday morning my big fluffy dog and I set out with more dookie bags than usual.  I said to myself and the dear dog, "Come on, it's just the sort of dense fog of a morning you love to walk in!  Not quite pea soup but warm and misty.  Who could dream of a better early morning activity than bending down to dig in the dirt to pick up the dumps of other dogs?  Let's go!"  Once again I figured, if I dared to move into that contemplative mindset, being in the here and now, using all my senses... right, that was a bit halting when I considered the deed ... using all my senses to take in the whole of the morning, I could deal with it. 

Besides the fifteen times I got down to scoop other dog's doo doo I did maintain my direction towards kind thoughts as well as kind deeds.  And voila,  I was rewarded as I walked in the northerly direction up the completely unpopulated bike path before 7 a.m.  I was taken as I noticed three delicately dew filled cobwebs which pushed out like parachutes and which all faced at the very same angle with the fat side of the parachute shaped webs facing North.  The morning light, foggy, not sunny, was just right so that these intricate works of art were highlighted with the beads of moisture making them look white and perfectly symmetrical.   As I neared the bridge I saw the resident big blue heron lift off slowly and go two huge wing flaps to the other side of the inlet, just far enough away from the dog and me.  Majestic blue heron!  And in the distance on the other side of the pond I could see the down filled, green headed mallard duck maybe cruising for a dive for breakfast tasties.  Who knows?

I can say that as I delivered the four, very filled dookie bags to one of the trash bins dotting the local little league baseball diamond park, my senses were much more filled with the distinct beauties of the morning's walk than the disgusting parts of bagging doo.  I might even do it again to keep fewer from the experience of stepping in it.

And may the rest of your week be doo doo free...