Mighty Fine Folk Whose Names Begin with M

On this magnificent seventh day of my vacation I drove to the sixth state on my journey to visit with my dear friend Mary and her dog Roxy.  I packed a healthy picnic lunch which we ate in a park neither of us had visited in a town neither of us knew.  We met there because it was nearly half way for both of us, here in the Midwest.  Our dogs had a fine time playing, running about, sniffing everywhere, lying in the shade of huge, mature trees.  Mary and I realized we'd not seen one another in just over a year but it's as if no time had passed.  We concluded our visit with a cone of frozen custard for each of us and cups of vanilla with a small milk bone for each pup.  Lucky dogs!

On my forth day of vacation my father and I stopped in Upstate NY to experience the hospitality of my second cousin, my father's first cousin, Marion.  She provided a dinner al fresco in her back yard which backs up the farm on which she grew up in the town where my grandmother was born and reared before she ventured off to college in Michigan many a year ago.  Before we left the following morning, we visited the art center she has been instrumental in starting and fostering.  She supports local artists and encourages all to learn and grow through exposure to the arts.

So it is true that these two women are not strangers to me yet their kindnesses towards me are remarkable to me...  If I did not have the experiences of meaningful times with both I would be poorer.  And it is their kindnesses which foster my ability to think about ways to be kind to others.

I plan to take garlic from my parents' garden to Marion for her garden and I will.  We did take her this marvelous multi grain bread from a local bakery near my house.  She oooed and ahhhhed as her memory of this bread from Christmas time when I gave her 1/2 a loaf was of great goodness in the bread.  As I sat with Mary and the dogs on this 90 degree day, all of us licking our ice cream, a man walked up the street, waiting for his bus.  He was watching the dogs with a smile and I said "hello."  We had a brief, friendly conversation.  I intend to contribute to the art center my second cousin has supported all these years because I believe in the mission.  Maybe these actions will ripple outward to more strangers.  Who knows?  I write about these past days and some small acts of kindness as I continue to contemplate how to be deliberately kind daily whether to strangers or to those near and dear.

Mom

Yesterday was the 27^th of the month, also known as Give Flowers to a Stranger Day. Full disclosure here, I totally forgot. However, it just so happened that I was shopping for flowers on that very day. For my mom no less. Which starts with M. And it's M week of course here on the ABC's of Kindness. Coincidence? Fate? I'm not sure, so I'll just go with dumb luck.

A tough day for my family today; we are moving my mom to a nursing home where my father recently needed to go. It was a difficult decision for all, one everyone hopes and prays that they never have to make. I bought the flowers so they will be in her room when she and I arrive. My hope is to provide some welcoming brightness and beauty. I also spent the weekend printing and framing pictures to cover her walls.

I realize however, that these efforts are as much for me as they are for her. In all likelihood the pictures will not bring her peace and she will not notice the lovely pink roses as she tries to comprehend her new reality. They serve primarily to help me feel like I have done all that I am capable of to make sure that she is safe and well as she can be.

As I prick my finger making an arrangement in the vase, I wonder about the wisdom of making such a thorny choice. And I wish I were just thinking about the flowers.

L' Chaim

L' Chaim is Hebrew for “to life.” And what better way to celebrate L week than to do something that may help someone live.

About 10 years ago I signed up and was registered with the National Bone Marrow Registry because a colleague was battling leukemia and needed a transplant. I'm not proud of this but over the years I occasionally get reminders to update my contact information and have ignored them. It was a combination of being lazy and the worry about the pain and discomfort that I might endure if I were a match. Which of course is absolutely nothing compared to having cancer. But I did say I'm not proud of this, and I'm being honest here.

Yesterday I want onto the website and added my cell phone number and my email address. My home address and phone are the same, and I took comfort knowing that if I had been found to be a match for someone in the past 10 years, they would have been able to track me down.  And now I can rest assured that there are no doubts that I will be found if there is a need.

 L' Chaim

Two Little Ladies

It is L week and the beginning of this day lead to my attempt to act kindly.  I was driving to work and noticed that a ways down the street there were two older people walking.  As I drew closer and looked a little more closely and then passed, it appeared as though one of these people had fallen.  One leg was on the sidewalk and the other was on the street.  The position appeared awkward and the other person was leaning over.  I realized that what I initially thought was a carriage (I only saw the wheels) was actually a walker with attachments.  By the time it all registered I was past the pair and at the intersection.  I took a right and then another right into the bank in order to get back to the pair.  As I passed them on the other side of the street and looked more closely, both were curbside, sitting down.  It did not look as dire but then again, I thought, maybe the one couldn't help the other up.  I deliberated with myself.  Do I stop or not?  I turned onto the next block, parked, and took a walk up the road.  I approached and still was uncertain about the situation.  One woman was smoking.  The other woman, the one who appeared rather pale, almost gray skinned, was the one who seemingly had fallen.  I asked if the two were okay.  Both older ladies looked up and said, "Yes, we're just taking a rest."   I was not convinced and explained a bit further that I'd worried one had fallen.  They reiterated that they were just taking a rest and said "thank you."

As I walked back to my car, I thought to myself that I most likely would not have stopped if it were not for the lessons learned from the experience of keeping this blog and the experience of having read Betsy's blog.  I am glad the two little ladies were resting and not in a more precarious situation.  I am also grateful to Betsy for leading me to this place of more careful living in the moment and being aware of how I might live kindness more deeply and more often throughout each day.

Kumquats and Kibble Kindle Kindness

Kim has been keen on kindnesses involving the letter K.  After all, the letter K has been with her all her life.  Yet, it was not at all clear what she (I am writing in the third person, I know) would do.  Strangely things happened which lead to this weeks' kindnesses towards strangers and co-workers.  The first act derived from a decision to share the sweetest cantaloupe Kim's cut up in a very long time.  Co-workers have been working extra hard, stretched to their limits over these last several months - the 2pm meeting would be the perfect place to share it.  It was a hit.  One person kept getting up, walking across the room and once exclaimed, "I can't stop!"  Just the satisfied response Kim desired.  Along with the cantaloupe (which sounds as though it could start with K) Kim brought kumquats -- a little known, olive sized, orange, citrus fruit.  Kim had it for the first time in a delectable salad at a new neighborhood restaurant a few weeks ago.  It was sliced thin and candied.  A few days after experiencing the first taste of kumquat Kim purchased a small container, arrived home and while talking with her parents took her first taste of a whole fruit.  She popped the smooth, oval in her mouth --  Wooooooeeeeeeyyyyyy!  Imagine that tart, squinched up face some make when sucking on a lemon wedge and multiply that by a bit more.  Kim tried one more and realized this was an eating adventure to share along with that cantaloupe.    Those kumquats were enjoyed by many in the meeting and chased with the sweet cantaloupe.  "Aha," said Kim, "it's K week and we ate kumquats!"

A few days later Kim was informed that a good friend had entered a Relay for Life, fundraiser raffle in an effort to win the sweet poodle (of Kim's) a gift basket for dogs, and win she did!  Kim drove over to her friend's home after leaving work at about 9:15pm Wednesday night.  Out came the lucky winner in her pj's.  She popped her trunk and voila!  Jackpot!   Rowdy (the standard poodle - see Engage and Express for photo) was right there to give the whole trunk a major sniffing!  He was beside himself!  He won a prize from one of his favorite friends and then Kim had to come along and kill all the fun.  Kim explained to her winning friend that Rowdy's stomach has been especially sensitive for unknown reasons for the last several months and so his diet has been significantly limited.  Kim did open one box of quality biscuits, gave him two and crossed her fingers that all would remain well with that pooch's stomach. (It did!)  Kim explained to wonderful friend that the winnings would make a great donation to the local SPCA.  Thursday morning Kim dropped off the huge box of dog biscuits allegedly worth approximately $125 along with the basket filled with kibble, teeth cleaning kits, a new brush and an extend-a-leash.  As she drove away from the shelter, Kim explained to Rowdy that he never could have gotten through that huge box of treats before they went stale anyway.  Rowdy must have agreed that the large number of abandoned canines (sounds like a K) at the shelter deserve those treats.  He remembered that Kim did keep that one small box of biscuits and so, settled into his ride to work without a second thought about that basket.  A marvelous 70 degree breeze blew through his long, flowing ears.

Kind Starts With K......

If you happen to be a scrabble player you know that a K is worth 5 points, which is a lot in that particular game. This is because it is not is not always easy to find a way to use it. And I found this to be true in trying to think of an act of kindness that starts with K. I considered using it as a wild card. Kind starts with K, so really I could do anything and it would count, right? But I suspected there might be someone out there who would view that as a bit of a cop out.

I settled on “kisses” which is an awesome “k” word easily associated with kindness. My first thought was to bring some chocolate ones to work and put a couple in everyone's mailbox. But I feared that my kind intent would be clouded by someone's interpretation that I was interfering with their commitment to eat healthy. While I may view a chocolate kiss as a kind treat, someone else might view it as a tool of sabotage.

So I brought the whole bag to my mom. She hasn't been eating as much as she should lately, and I think that if you are in your 80's, you absolutely should get to eat all the chocolate you want. And when I said goodbye I gave her a real kiss too. I'm considering this my K act of kindness, squared.

It's J Week and That's No Joke

On the way home from picking my kids up from school earlier this week we were stuck in traffic during some construction. One of the orange clad men on the site noticed my son and approached the car. He indicated that he wanted us to roll down the window. At first blush this seemed a bit odd with the the potential to be creepy. But he was a older gentleman (and as I age, the definition of “older” changes with some regularity) and my gut feeling was that he was not ill intended. Besides, we were surrounded by cars and construction workers so it seemed safe enough.

I rolled down the window and he pointed at my son and said “What has two knees and swims in the ocean?” The traffic started to move and we needed to pull away. The pressure was too much and we both responded that we didn't know. “A tunee fish” the man replied as we drove off.

We laughed, not really because it was funny, but at the surprise and joy of a stranger approaching us for the sole reason of telling a joke. And all at once it occurred to me; being  kindness in the week of J we must tell him a joke right back! Because this particular road construction project had been going on for some time (laying of sewer pipes for those interested in details) there was a good chance we would have the opportunity later in the week.

We prepared. What happened to duck who flew upside down? He had a quack up. We planned. The next time we saw the man, I would slow the car, my son would roll down the window and tell the joke.

Alas, by end of the week the opportunity eluded us. By the time we came home from school each afternoon the construction was shut down for the day. And the week of J concluded without us completing our task. But as we move onto K week, my son has vowed to accomplish his mission. The joke will be told at the first opportunity regardless of what letter is featured.

A Little Joy in June?

So, I was driving from my regular eye check up with dilated eyes and sunglasses, of course, and listening to the radio.  My plan was to return home directly in order to prepare for and get to work.  Like I said, the radio was on, NPR, to be precise.  The local news stated that the fire stations of Massachusetts were collecting donations for the people of the Springfield area who were so badly effected by the unusual and damaging F3 tornado.  They especially needed tarps, bungee cords and bottled water.  Immediately I thought of Betsy's many Kindness of Strangers posts in which she spoke about the importance of acting promptly, without procrastination, when a thought of kindness occurs.  I knew who sells water, tarps and bungee cords.  And, in fact, it's a store whose name has a J right in it - our local Job Lot.  So, I made my purchases (with sunglasses on inside the store).  In addition to the above mentioned items I also chose to purchase a gift card.  The woman who was checking out was about to bag the card.  I asked, kindly, I trust, if she could leave it out.  We bagged up the rest of the items.  I paid and then pushed the card back towards her on the counter, leaned forward and said, "Can you please take this and give it to a person you feel may need it?"  She looked at me as though I had several heads.  Well, I was wearing sunglasses inside, and then she smiled quizzically.  I pushed it a little closer to where her hands were and added -  that it is a bit random but "I'm hoping it will be a bit of kindness for someone."  She smiled again, this time less quizzically and tucked it next to her register.

The tarps, water and bungee cords were dropped off at a Massachusetts fire station not too far from where I was.  The reception man behind the "Communications" window at the safety complex said, "I'll get you a firefighter," when I explained I had a small donation to make and was it true they were collecting for Springfield.  I laughed at that phrasing, and then thanked the young man who helped me transfer the goods from my car to the station.  He explained that two firefighters from that station had gone to Springfield that morning for work detail.

While I don't consider tarps, bungee cords and bottled water to imply joy, nor is the reason for the donation related to anything but recovering from great difficulties.  I do imagine that feeling recovered will lead to joy.  It's going to be a long road for some that will require tools to get them there.  Tarps, bungee cords and the like.  It is the juxtaposition of the green and blue coverings with white, blue and yellow cords with what they will lead to -- a full recovery, I hope, that lead me to yesterday's deeds.  And I did experience joy in my exchanges with the woman at Job Lot, and with those at the Safety complex.  My good fortune among many, in June.

Wishing all you readers bits of Joy in June!

Inspired by the Isle of Iona

Indeed, last year I traveled to a remote Isle off the coast of the Highlands of Scotland.  It is called Iona.  Back when Betsy asked me to participate in this Kindness adventure with her I sat down, pulled out my pen and paper and went through the alphabet just to see what came to mind for each letter.  For the record I've veered away from initial ideas at least a couple times thus far.  But for the letter "I" I've been unable to move away from Iona though I was not clear how my experiences there would lead to an Act of Kindness towards a stranger here until today.

Today I've identified an organization which provides scholarships for the thorough and professional training of sign language interpreters for those who are deaf or hard of hearing.  How does this connect to Iona?  Well, I traveled abroad with my very good friend from the Midwest whom I've known since we shared our graduate school experience.  She is deaf.  We were traveling with a group of hearing people.  She and I knew only three people in our group.  I know some sign language and no one else knew sign.  We lived on the Isle of Iona in the Abby and experienced the amazing hospitality of the Iona Community.  The experience was enhanced for my friend and me because of the intensity associated with me attempting to sign or write for her all that was being experienced through my ears -- the airport announcements for our flights, the information given on our Scottish ferry rides including when they changed the spoken word from English to Gaelic, the sounds of bleating sheep and lambs, and warbling puffins, historical information about Glasgow on our coach tour, translating lyrics to music sung ("You take the High Road and I'll take the Low Road...") and so much more.

The magical inspiration for this blog was how a Scottish woman, a leader in the Iona Community, extended herself throughout the week in countless ways to incorporate my dear friend into all that was happening, into all communications, formal or informal, planned or impromptu.  This woman knew no sign language.  She had a rich Scottish accent which prevented my friend from lip reading, yet through the week, the relationship which evolved between my friend and her served to shrink the gap between the hearing world which dominated and my friend's world.  It served to demonstrate the importance of being aware of those around us and what each of us can do to shrink differences enough to allow for learning and growth through exchange with one another, no matter how challenging.

Before, during and after being on Iona I wondered what my friend's experience would have been if I was actually an interpreter or if there were interpreter services available to us for the trip.  This morning it came to me -- my idea to contribute to a national organization dedicated to promoting the professional standards and to educating sign language interpreters for people who are deaf or hard of hearing.  I figure if I can contribute to a scholarship fund then I am supporting, in a small way, the notion that all people deserve an equal opportunity to participate in "listening" and communicating whether hearing or not.

Imagine being on a remote island in another country and having no one with whom you could communicate with ease.  Just imagine.


ADDENDUM:
Incidentally, on my morning stroll (6/3/11) I met up with my neighbor and learned that a serious act of kindness was committed last week by lawn mowers!  See  Helpin' and Hollerin' from last week's H entries.  Unbeknownst to my neighbors some other kind soul decided that it would be kind to shorten their grass.  By the way, the other kind folk did a better job than I would have as they took a rake to the mowed grass.  Nice work!

I Scream, You Scream

We all scream for ice cream. And I almost screamed when I saw how much it cost.

A natural for kindness in the week of “I” was ice cream. It's the beginning of summer, the weather is finally warm and the ice cream stand we pass on the way home from my kids school has been open for over a month. It it is one of those places designed to get the attention of children driving by. Painted in bright colors and decorated like a pirates ship, this place makes kids beg to stop. And my younger son is no different. He had asked already several times this spring but my husband  refused because he claimed it was too expensive. Today I picked up the boys from school and temporarily won favored parent status when I announced we would stop for ice cream.

As we stood reviewing the choices (of which there were a zillion) I was reveling in my boys' happiness. Until I saw the prices. Holy mackerel! I could have bought several gallons for what it was going to cost me. I did keep my surprise to myself and resisted the urge to drag the kids back into the car. They placed their orders and I, giving in to the moment, ordered a scoop too. And in honor of the kindness of “I” I bought a five dollar gift certificate and instructed the young woman waiting on us to give it to the first customer who came after we left.

And here is the truth. It was the absolute best caramel peanut butter cookie dough ice cream I have EVER had.